Hawaii´s Lost Sibling - Easter Island

Easter Island is amazing. It is the most isolated human-inhabited place in the world, but that´s not the best thing. It´s on Eastern Standard Time! The most isolated spot is in the same time zone as the second most isolated spot - Washington, DC. That boggles my little brain.

How do you describe an island like this? Very easily. It has the climate of Hawaii, the cost of New York City, the population of Mayberry, and the infrastructure of a third-world banana republic. Then add the tourists.

Everyone has seen pictures of the Moai (the stone heads), they are even more impressive in person. (I think the roar of the ocean helps a little.) The first time you see a Moai you are in awe. The second time is amazing. The tenth is pretty cool. By the two-hundredth statue your eyes roll back and you realize that if you squint just right it sort of looks like Kermit the Frog. About this time you glance at your watch and realize you have only been on the island for three hours.

Now you really understand why this is the most isolated spot in the world and why the islanders just about whipped themselves out. There is nothing here but statues and souvenir shops.

Well that´s okay, when you get tired of statues you can always just hit the beach right? Not really. The island is a series of three extinct volcanoes. Hawaii is a series of extinct and not-so-extinct volcanoes. What is the difference? God smiled on Hawaii and gave it loads of sandy beaches. He did not smile on Easter Island. There is one beach, period. Everything else is black volcanic rock. Fun to scramble around on, but bad to swim next to. The beach is slightly larger than the corner Starbucks. Then add the tourists, many of whom should not be in bathing suits. It sort of makes you appreciate Captain Ahab´s hatred of the white whale. Yes, madam, that bikini does make you look fat. No, sir, I am not insulting Germany, just your wife.

So what did we do for four days? One day climbing a volcano to see the freshwater lake the formed in its crater. One day driving around the island looking at hundreds of Moai. Then Drew and I split up. Drew decided to get sick and stay in bed. I took the jeep that we rented and hit some of the off-road trails to the more in-accessible parts of the island.

It was during this little jaunt that I had a close encounter with nature. Specifically, a pair of blood-thirsty birds. I had parked the jeep at a small pasture that had seven Moai all lined up looking out at the sea. I decided to leave the jeep and hike for a little bit, so off I went. As I walked down the trail I could hear two birds screaming at each other. They were a type of falcon or hawk, but something I didn´t immediately recognize. I have a specific name for them, but I won´t repeat that here.

So the birds were sitting in this tree making all sorts of noise. It is spring-time down here, so I though maybe this was some mating thing. I figured this was some avian ladies man making a move. You know, two birds, some Barry White, a little courvoisier... Who knows where things will go? Nope, they had already done that and now were guarding their nest. I figured this out as I looked up to see two feathery missiles coming at me with their talons out. So I ate dirt. The stupid birds buzzed me and then came around for a second attack. By this time I´d jumped up and started sprinting down the path. I can hear these birds scream and then feel the air as they whoosh by me. Each time they pass me by, they make a tight circle and do it again. I ran down the path, leaped over a stone wall, and ran through the pasture with the seven moai. By this time a few tour groups had arrived and there are about twenty people standing around. The tour guides didn´t even pause as I ran through right through tours followed by two angry raptors.

I survived, but only because the car was unlocked. Stupid birds.

We spent our last day in town shopping for knick-knacks and then caught our flight back to Santiago. I highly recommend making it out to Easter Island if you get the chance. Just don´t stay too long and bring plenty of sunscreen and books.